Let Me Decay.

Let Me Decay.

One month, two months, three months, four, five
Actually it's four, but five sounds just right.
When was the last time you picked up the phone
Only to throw it at your dog, that bone.

Countless tries, to forget your soft voice
It's all a lie, I never tried.
What's tragic is you believed my lies
Poker face outside, inside I died.

That month of the year, still frozen in time

Haunts my dreams, keeps me awake nights.

I pray for time to speed by, make it fly 

Or go back to that damn January, again try.

Try to hold on to something that slipped

Away from my fingers, left me in a ditch.

How did I push you away, I wonder why

I'm dying to do something, exit this standby. 

I closed the door on you a while ago
So why is it still so hard for me to let you go.
You've found new love though, I see he's tall
I've heard he's chivalrous, plays basketball.

Seems like you left and I begged you to stay
But wasn't it I who pushed you away.
Ain't I supposed to love being free, celebrate
But fuck what's supposed to be, let me decay.

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Decadence

The Son's Journey

Something for a friend who lost his father.

The Son's Journey

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Broken, bruised, battered and beaten

Birth, living, loving and leaving.

We come alone and leave the same

Leaving a mark, the one true aim.

A long unfulfilled life?

Or a short satisfying one?

Cuts like a knife

What's done is done.

Alone, lonely, without a soul

Got voids in you, you ain't now whole.

The gaps will fill, all in good time

But will leave scars, will serve as hymns.

I feel your loss

I feel the pain.

Damp soil grows moss

Love will prevail.

Morose, disturbed, lost and unsure

Escaped inside, have shut the door.

You locked the door, the key's with you

Don't be alone, you don't have to.

Family, friends, acquaintances

A handshake, a hug, a friendly kiss.

The pain is fresh, it hurts like hell

Inside you curse, question and yell.

All you need to do is to be strong

Its not your fault, you are not wrong.

The ship has sunk, Captain went down

You are all quiet, won't make a sound.

Cry out, shout, retaliate

Come back before its too damn late.

All's not over, its just begun

The son's journey, without the old one.

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The Highlights

Greetings programs.

A few hours back I was in possibly the best motivational meeting ever. Like for real. This woman made me realize what I had done to myself and made me look at me from her eyes.

I can see clearly now.

I fell back one year. I questioned my abilities, nature and intelligence. I doubted myself. People saw me fall down.

What I should have blamed was the lack of hard-work and lady luck. I tried to but at the end of the day you just curse yourself for fucking up so bad. You are your criminal at night. 

Not a complete waste of year. Not at all. How you ask?

Met a motivational woman who made me recount my year. Asked me to make a list of memorable stuff I've done over the year.
She said it would help therapeutically.

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The Highlights

* I worked as a Content Writer in a  firm for 5 months. Earned a little less than half a lakh. 

* The job gave me an idea of real corporate life and how to deal with your seniors. I'm smarter business-wise now. 

* I will be done with my Diploma in Creative Writing in two months. 

* I got published in the newspaper. In a national daily. A poem. 

* I actually hit the gym for 2 months. Didn't help much physically but helped me know my potential. 10 km on the treadmill in an hour everyday was no joke. 

* I ran in an actual marathon and finished in the top 10.

* I travelled without any supervision for the first time (child). Had the time of my life. 

* I did some self-assessment that I believe helped me in anger management. A little.

* I made a little part of myself in the online world - my blog. 

* I had the most awesome New Year's night ever. We all need one. 

* I learnt horse-riding. If all cars die and I have to get somewhere I will be able to manoeuvre a horse to get places. 

* I read some brilliant books, saw good cinema and addictive TV shows. Discovered some great music. 

* I won a BlackBerry. I actually won something expensive. That bloody rocks.

* I've been growing my hair since the past six months. Laugh. 

* I made friends with some amazing people this past year. The kind that stay with your for life. I hope. 

* I was in a beautiful relationship for a better part of the year. Even after it ended it still didn't somehow. But now it's time to close the door on that. Goodbye.

* I have no regrets now. Almost. I've accepted the fact that everything that happened, happened for good.


PS - In retrospect this looks stupid.

I Might Just Call

I Might Just Call
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I come and go, return and leave

I know it’s so, do what I please.

One time, two times, three times it’s fine

Ask you to leave, next day you’re mine.

I knew it hurt so bad, I understood

Turned out far from what was good.

Time and time, kept coming back

You begged me, I cut some slack.

Like dominoes we fell, part by part

Till one day things just fell apart.

It felt so said, the pain it stayed

Was stupid, that need to get laid.

It pains a little, still does now

Wanting to go back, but how.

I’m afraid someday it’ll all be gone

Pitch-black night, no sign of dawn.

Memories, feelings, hopes and dreams

Echo in my head, those shrill screams.

I don’t want them to ever leave me

Just close my eyes and you I see.

I sound so down and so morose

Still have that shrivelled up rose.

I can’t make myself burn it all

I’m weak inside, I might just call.
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Also:

18.