Thursday, June 9, 2011

Sun's Up, World's Dark


The world is so twisted
You wake up at 12 o’ clock in the afternoon. You roll down from the top bunk of your two-storey bed. You pee and feel free while trying to concentrate to aim right.

You go to the kitchen, try to find some food. You find breakfast thoughtfully left by your mom for you. You ignore it.
You don’t like the fact that anyone wants to be nice to you. It makes your insides hollow.
A void.
You open the fridge. You take out the Appy Fizz bottle. You drink. You burp. You don’t like the taste. You take another swig.

You turn on the computer. Go online. Check if there is an update. An update to your status. The status of your admission in the college you want to go to. Or the college you think you want to go to.
No updates. You sigh.

You log into Facebook. You check useless updates made by useless people. You reply to dumbfuck queries made by dumbfucks. Jobless people try to talk to you. You try to evade. Attempt unsuccessful. You succumb to their demands. You reply. You’re sarcastic. Dry. They don’t get it. You ask the thin air for the umpteenth time, what the fuck is wrong with the world.
The thin air asks back, what the fuck is wrong with you.
Everything.

You log out. You sit online for a couple of hours. And when you look back, you can’t recall what exactly you did in those two hours. You’re confused. Zombied.

All this time you ignore your brother. He’s in the background. He’s the songs that play at malls in the background. The songs you don’t register. He’s the conductor’s voice in a subway. The voice you can’t make out. His presence is not acknowledged by you. You’re evil.

Your mother comes back from work. Tries to fix you some food. You give in. Rather your hunger does. You eat. A little. She tries to talk. You go deaf. You’re a zombie remember.

You try to watch the television. You’re amazed at how idiotic the box really is. You put on a news channel. It takes you half an hour to realize that you have not been provided by any news of note. You channel surf. You quit.

You get on your bed. Doze off.

You wake up to vibrations. It’s your phone. So many missed calls. So many texts. You don’t care to check.
You get up. It’s the evening.  You walk around. You want to kill. Maybe. Destroy. Kill. And then some more. You’re expressionless.

You notice your father is back home. Another zombie. Root of all the problems. Or so you like to think. You nod at him, he nods back.

You stare at the mirror. That liar. You haven’t shaved in a week. Your hair is perpetually messed. Your white shirt is not so white. You ask the mirror if you’ve been wearing your clothes for a long time. The mirror just stares back. You walk away.

You pick up the phone. A few names jump in your head. Should you call? You put the phone down. Opening your mouth to speak seems a mighty task. Thinking of words to say seems Herculean.

You think of how things could have been. How they were meant to be. What’s gonna happen next. You stop thinking.

You're thinking about some girl.. Stop. It's irritating.
The wall in between has to stand. Opposite sides.

You spend the next few hours watching movies on your laptop, eating this and that and just being a soulless corpse. You hear the birds chirp or whatever sound that is. You look out of your room.

The sun’s come up. But your world is dark.

It’s time to sleep.


23 comments:

Zeeshan khan said...

seems like in lot of confusions... or merely annoyed... wtf dude?? this aint you... and where the fuck is your phone... i tried calling ya!!

Peevie Juice said...

@Zee - Confusion, yeah.
I'll talk to you in a while ya. Let me get control over my life first.

Batman's B*tch said...

And you blogged. Thank the fucking Lord you're alive.
Take your time. Stay in the dark. Desire to kill more. Whatever works now. Happens to the best of us. The phase where even Tyler Durden doesn't make sense to us. Not that my dumbfuck comment matters, just thought I should, err, comment.

P.S. This it futile, I know. Go blind, whatever. But, Grasshopper, Schmrasshopper, you neither of it. Go figure. Or don't. Whatever works for you.

Peevie Juice said...

@Batman's Babe - Alive. Yeah. Vegetative state to be precise.

Take my time. Patience. Don't have that virtue.

Tyler Durden hardly ever makes sense. He's the grasshopper, so am I.

Nothing works out.

Batman's Babe said...

I admit patience sucks. Virtue, my foot. Sometimes we all wonder why hurry the fuck up can't be a virtue. We all wonder. We do. So fuck the usual sayings. Make your own.

Grasshoppers, schmrasshoppers.

Nothing works out? Pff. So be it.

Peevie Juice said...

@Batman's Babe - Ha. Hurry the fuck up. That should do.

Yeah, fuck the usual sayings. Make your own. On it.

kitkat said...

very nice post! i feel this way sometimes

Peevie Juice said...

@kitkat - We all have our moments.

AcetylCholine said...

THIS. is how i fucking feel right now!
In my case, it's actually become a vicious cycle.

AcetylCholine said...

Oh and I love your blog's header/photo at top.

Peevie Juice said...

@AcetylCholine - All in all you're just another brick in the wall, right?

Thanks a ton. I try.

Furree Katt said...

I'M YOUR 50TH GROUPIE YAYYYYY
i love your header!

Peevie Juice said...

@Furree Katt - Yay! Mission accomplished.

Now I can die peacefully.

Why, thanks. And just the header?

Also, I'm heading to your blog right now.

Shaurya said...

I can somehow relate to (almost) your entire post.Especially that part about fb.Everything is boring as hell.I need to try something new.And so do you.I guess.

Btw why dont you try composing a song? I was going through your poetry a few days back.You got the lyrics.Just need the right beat+ a good enough voice.You never know.

And I like those lines "The sun’s come up. But your world is dark."

Peevie Juice said...

Shaurya - Relate. That's what we do best. Us humans.

Or at least some of us.

I am in no mood to create. I'm on a killing spree.

I'm a zombie, remember?

Thanks man. I try.

Peachyyy said...

Hello.
Any college updates yet? ANYYY.

Peevie Juice said...

@Peachy - Get one thing. I would have told you if there would have been something.

Leah said...

Hahaha!! I LOLed at the picture. I am such a faker. LOL..

Anyway, I am just like that sometimes.. a zombie. Tsk. I guess we all have our moments, eh?

Followed, btw. :)

Peevie Juice said...

@Leah - That's what we all are. Fakers. Living in a big fake world.

Yeah, we all have out moments.

Thanks. Right back at you.

Cake Betch said...

This post was kind of like a punch in the gut. And it's super familiar, well, not having mom cook me food because I don't live with her anymore. But basically feeling like a zombie and not doing a whole lot of anything is not a strange feeling for me. Hope you're doing better Peevie.

Peevie Juice said...

@Cake Betch - God, your name is the jizz.

Punched in the gut, yeah. Like a Mike Tyson puch. Shakes you up, but then you realize Mike Tyson punched you and you're like all happy cause Mike Fucking Tyson punched you.
You getting me?

Yes, I'm better. More in the next post.

I hope you're doing superb and your camp thingy was fun.

Cake Betch said...

IKR?

Dude, Mike Tyson has a face tattoo. Your argument is invalid.

And the campy thing fucking sucked. I wrote a blog about it though so I don't have to relate the whole story. Haha :-D

Peevie Juice said...

@Cake Betch - Yeaaah.

But what's wrong with face tattoos? Tattoos are awesome okay. Even on the face. I think it just completes little Mikey.

I have two, just so you know.

I just read about it. Such a rambler.