Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Highlights

Greetings programs.

A few hours back I was in possibly the best motivational meeting ever. Like for real. This woman made me realize what I had done to myself and made me look at me from her eyes.

I can see clearly now.

I fell back one year. I questioned my abilities, nature and intelligence. I doubted myself. People saw me fall down.

What I should have blamed was the lack of hard-work and lady luck. I tried to but at the end of the day you just curse yourself for fucking up so bad. You are your criminal at night. 

Not a complete waste of year. Not at all. How you ask?

Met a motivational woman who made me recount my year. Asked me to make a list of memorable stuff I've done over the year.
She said it would help therapeutically.


The Highlights

* I worked as a Content Writer in a  firm for 5 months. Earned a little less than half a lakh. 

* The job gave me an idea of real corporate life and how to deal with your seniors. I'm smarter business-wise now. 

* I will be done with my Diploma in Creative Writing in two months. 

* I got published in the newspaper. In a national daily. A poem. 

* I actually hit the gym for 2 months. Didn't help much physically but helped me know my potential. 10 km on the treadmill in an hour everyday was no joke. 

* I ran in an actual marathon and finished in the top 10.

* I travelled without any supervision for the first time (child). Had the time of my life. 

* I did some self-assessment that I believe helped me in anger management. A little.

* I made a little part of myself in the online world - my blog. 

* I had the most awesome New Year's night ever. We all need one. 

* I learnt horse-riding. If all cars die and I have to get somewhere I will be able to manoeuvre a horse to get places. 

* I read some brilliant books, saw good cinema and addictive TV shows. Discovered some great music. 

* I won a BlackBerry. I actually won something expensive. That bloody rocks.

* I've been growing my hair since the past six months. Laugh. 

* I made friends with some amazing people this past year. The kind that stay with your for life. I hope. 

* I was in a beautiful relationship for a better part of the year. Even after it ended it still didn't somehow. But now it's time to close the door on that. Goodbye.

* I have no regrets now. Almost. I've accepted the fact that everything that happened, happened for good.

PS - In retrospect this looks stupid.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I Might Just Call

I Might Just Call

I come and go, return and leave
I know it’s so, do what I please.
One time, two times, three times it’s fine
Ask you to leave, next day you’re mine.

I knew it hurt so bad, I understood
Turned out far from what was good.
Time and time, kept coming back
You begged me, I cut some slack.

Like dominoes we fell, part by part
Till one day things just fell apart.
It felt so said, the pain it stayed
Was stupid, that need to get laid.

It pains a little, still does now
Wanting to go back, but how.
I’m afraid someday it’ll all be gone
Pitch-black night, no sign of dawn.

Memories, feelings, hopes and dreams
Echo in my head, those shrill screams.
I don’t want them to ever leave me
Just close my eyes and you I see.

I sound so down and so morose
Still have that shrivelled up rose.
I can’t make myself burn it all
I’m weak inside, I might just call.



Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Broken house of  broken dreams
Torn shirts and dirty jeans.
Busted windows and open doors
Just me inside, down on all fours.
Liar, cheater, thief and  crook
Played every dirt trick in the book.
The magic lasts only for a while
Can’t run at all beyond a mile.

Broken words from a broken mouth
Nothing looks up, I’m heading South.
Beware of me, stay far away
Run right now, while it’s still day.
All I’ve done is harm and hurt
Now on the floor, face full of dirt.
I deserve it all and then some more
Maybe I’m heartless, empty core.

Broken life of a broken man
Never embraced, always ran.
Didn't come forward, face the truth
Ran away, escaped, hid in a booth.
Want to be different, someone good
Tired of living under the hood.
Friends, family, love…all gone
It is just me…all on my own.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Growing Pains

Lets talk a little different today.

When you’re young everything feels so simple and safe. With your parents there to guide and protect you nothing ever seems like a threat and you feel secure. They always know what to say and what to do. Walking in a crowd doesn’t freak you out cos you’re holding your mother’s dupatta. Teachers who love caning would never touch for fear of your mother as she comes to your school every week to snatch those dreadful canes. You stumble and fall, hurt yourself. Your mother says you’re a strong boy and you recover that very instant. Parents are supermen when we’re young.

Then you enter your teens and changes happen. You stop telling your parents the truth. First it begins by altering the truth, then the lies and finally avoiding any kind of conversation. You start detesting their company. Your opinions are poles apart.

“Oh they are old. They don’t know anything. They don’t get me. They’re from a different era.”

Friends become our parents then, sort of. We confide in them and ask for advice. Make them our Facebook parents. All that used to happen with parents is taken over by friends. They start picking the clothes you wear and the places you visit. You watch the movies they ask you to and the music they like. We think we’ve grown up. We feel rebellious.

You start growing out of your teens and the actual growing up starts then. You start maturing little by little. Contact with parents starts, albeit gradually. You start confiding in them. They seem to understand you more. They start treating you like adults. Your friend circle gets smaller. Less friends, more acquaintances. You know everyone but only a handful know you. You make a perfect amalgamation of your actual family and friends. And that’s how it is from that moment on.

When I say "we" I might be wrong. I can’t really generalize as I have only lived the life of just one person. And that too not fully, I’m not even 18 yet. Or even if I’ve been someone before my present being then I don’t remember my past life. What I speak comes of my own rich experience with family and friends, keen observations and above par judgment skills.